Another Come-Back

Hi, to anyone who has been faithful to check and see if I've made it back from my chasm of grief.  I thought I would change the look of my blog just to remind myself and others that I'm here...again.

I've not been alone because God has been with me, even when I wasn't sure.  He IS faithful.

Since my sister died last March, we attended an uncle's funeral just three or four days after my sis's.  He lead a long, rich life on his farm.  He died after barely a year in the nursing home.

Since then we said farewell to three cousins.  My uncle and three cousins were all from my mother's family.  I was beginning to wonder what the Lord is trying to tell me.  But then I remembered that at last count, many years ago, I listed at least 50 first cousins from both my mother's and father's families.  Quite a few of us are still living, and we're all getting older.

So why should I wonder at these multiple deaths?  It will be sometime before the final earthly pages have been written for all of us.  One last uncle from my maternal side, and an aunt from the paternal side are still living.  I grew up rich in family relationships and annual reunions, and a plethora of memories.

Recently I've been meeting with one of my double cousins.  We had grown apart by miles, by raising kids, and by jobs.  But now that we're both mostly retired from working outside the home we have more time...well, a little more time, to get together and share our memories, some of which are mutual, and many of which we individually experienced  differently.  Our relatedness runs deep because her mother and father were sister and brother to my parents (in case you wondered what a double cousin is).

Perhaps I will share some of these memories here for my grandchildren to find someday.  But for now, I have to run because a couple of those grandkids are coming to spend the afternoon and I have to prepare a light dinner for this evening.

Hoping to be back soon.

Easter

The Saturday before Easter  (23rd) we went to our oldest granddaughter's soccer game.  She certainly has fun being mostly-the-goalee, but she has a mean kick too.  We took younger brother with us.  He was mostly on my lap, hiding his face and hands from the chilly wind.  It was pretty cold, and I was so glad I wore my winter coat instead of the spring jacket I thought would be warm enough.
For lunch we met with my niece from Las Vegas--she was working at her mom's house this past week, painting and putting up new curtains, refreshing it for a renter. I certainly admire her for getting around so soon after her mom's, my sister's,  death.  She flew home later in the afternoon to be at home with her family for Easter.
We got manipulated into staying for supper with Amy and family, when she said it was waffle and sausage night.  Now, her waffles are the best, and the German sausage is made in Hillsboro, KS.  It's not spicy, but has a smoked flavor like a lot of us around the area grew up with when our parent's did their own butchering.
It was so unusual not to have my family's annual Easter get together.  There aren't that many of us  in this area anymore, and we had all just been together for our sister's funeral.  Our daughter and her family came to our house.  This was Baby Abigail's first big outing--going to  church, coming here for dinner, and letting her parents shop at Walmart for necessities.
The girls were so cute in their matching dresses, with Easter hats for Alana and April.  April is so cute in what she says:   In church she asked her mom, "What in the world is going on here?"  For while she was telling me, "I've got an idea."  or "I've got a plan."  Never found out what the idea or plan was.
Our dinner was baked ham and baked potatoes, Black Cherry jello with applesauce for filling, Zwiebach (two-bun rolls), roasted corn cobs,  and Spring decorated cake for dessert. I made it easy by not making the traditional Graham Cracker Fluff.   Our son, Mark, and Tammy couldn't make it from Topeka.  They took Tammy's mom out so she could have some away-time from the nursing home where she's recovering from a stroke.
I've been having problems loading pictures.  I'll try and see what I can do.  It used be so easy to use the Picasa program for the blog, but after the changes made here Picasa doesn't seem to work as well.  Or at all!

Between Death and Life

Since my sister's death a  couple of weeks ago, and the impending birth of  our daughter's fourth child  (our fourth grandchild), I feel like I'm in the middle of a teeter-totter, trying to keep my balance.

Of course, my sis's death is what keeps one end down with heaviness of heart where I don't mind lingering awhile as I process and learn to accept the circumstances of her death.  Yet, I must climb up from the sadness to the anticipation and bittersweet joy that will come with the birth of a healthy granddaughter.

There is that place which, if I can manage it, I will learn to balance between those two apposing aspects of my existence.   Only through God's grace and His mercy have I been able to begin celebrating my sister's life and death.  Her death came suddenly yet mercifully before she became progressively debilitated by MS.  Yes, for the past year she was in remission and happier, less burdened, and more at peace than she had been in a long while.  I have precious memories of the last couple of times we were together.  Having seen her contentment makes the burden of sorrow lighter.

I'm  almost certain that my sis has already met our granddaughter, which gives me peace.  I pause to think about how close to each other are life and death.  Out with my older sister, in with our infant baby girl, both passing through the Light.   It's exciting to think they've met along the way.  Heaven is as close to me now as any other time in my life.

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes;  there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.  There shall be no more pain for the former things have passed away."  Rev. 21:4

Life is terribly unpredictable!

Yesterday is gone, and yet it seems as if time is standing still.  The day started and went about as usual.  But when evening came, it's a completely other story.

Last week Tuesday our pregnant daughter went to the hospital thinking it might be time for her to deliver their baby.  This would make it about a month early.  She doesn't feel contractions, doesn't know she's having one unless she's on a monitor that shows she having a contraction.  

It's kind of scary, really, when you stop and think about it.  All at once she would feel a need to push and have the baby wherever she happened to be.  I know that's part of the reason she went to doctor  prematurely.

Since she had been to the doctor Tuesday she was thinking about cancelling her regular Thursday appointment.  But when it came down to the wire, she decided to keep the appointment since she still felt like she could be having contractions.  The doctor kept sending her home.   Said she was only 1 cm. dilated.

Tuesday evening (yesterday) I went to a class I'm attending at our church every week for twelve weeks.  It sounds so neat in that by taking the class we will learn to go through some of our past pain and return to joy we were born to nourish.  

My hubby came and interrupted me...said our daughter was at the hospital and we needed to get the kids and bring them to our house.  I wasn't very surprised because of the way she's been "nesting" and packing the kid's bags and hers, and her apprehensions of last week.  

This time she's dilated to 3 cm.  Now that doesn't seem like much, I suppose, but once her babies decide to come 3 cm. can dilate from 4 cm. to 9 in just a few short hours.  So I'm praying for her and her hubby who is with her.  

We got the 3 little ones home to our house, just across town, brought in blankets, stuffed toys, bags mommy had packed and tried to get them settled in quickly.  I was helping them start a video to watch when my husband started listening to the answering machine.

I just heard a couple of words that I'm sure drained the blood from my face, something about someone passing away, and in that split second, I thought it might be my older sister who just had a lumpectomy for cancer.  She lives near Kansas City.

But I was wrong, it was my sister who lives just 30 miles from us, and who I had just talked to recently.  They're placing her time of death sometime Friday or Saturday.  

This is  such a blow--to get the call from her daughter in Las Vegas.  She became concerned when she couldn't reach  her mom by phone or email.  My sister was actually doing quite well, even though she had MS.  Both her daughter and me  nagged at her about wearing a call button because she admitted she was fearful of falling in her home because of MS and dying alone.  

I'm just numb.  All these things happening at once.  And hubby seems to be coming down with a cold.  His colds are not the usual 1 week, 7 days, because it can get complicated with  his allergies and asthma.  

I keep telling myself:  The Lord will not give me more than I can handle...He will not give me more than I can handle.  So, why then, does everything seem to happen at once??  I will trust in Him to get us through the next few days.

Now I must attend to my littlest granddaughter (so far) who is coughing.  I'm not always so good at handling the needs of other because of my disabilities.  He'll not give me more than I can handle...amen & Amen.  This too shall pass.