IF...What then?

I'm going to write this post before I lose my nerve.  It may not be pretty...and if it's not pretty, what then?

What if this post leaves the reader less than hopeful?  It would probably be no worse than what most readers are struggling with this time of year. I still have hope...barely!  Having hope is not something I manufacture out of the lonely recesses of my heart.  Only by the grace of God and His Word, with faith, do I lay claim to hope.

Certainly my faith and hope are, at times, as fragile as a spider's single shimmering thread that trails behind. Having thrown caution to the wind the spider flings itself out into an uncertain space to land on the first thing that stands in its way--another tree, a bush, a fence post, a person.  I've had the experience of walking into one of those sticky strands, admiring the four to six foot span, seeing from where it started and where it landed.  A ton of faith from such a small package.

I wouldn't make a very good spider.  For one thing, I'm too cautious.  I would spend everyday of my short life in the same place, too afraid to venture into the unknown. (Altho' I haven't always been that way).  For another thing, I have an innate fear/hatred of spiders and their webs. If I were one, would I hate myself?  Are humans the only creatures with an ability to hate oneself and express that hate in deplorable and terminal ways?  

One of the advantages of having a cane is that I can wave it back and forth in front of me, wrecking spider webs before I walk into one.  Hopefully, the spider itself will have been diverted by my cane so that I don't have the horror of walking into it face to face, as has happened to me (shivering).  I have repeated dreams of spiders vaulting off ceilings, with me trying to divert them from my bed, too horrified to move and escape the room. I usually wake up before the dreams end, left with the pictures of my dreams and a feeling of dread. There have been occasions where a spider really will drop down in front of my face--what a sense of humor!

On occasion, I've been awakened by my husband because I was moaning in my sleep, when in my dream I was having a terrible time trying to call for help and couldn't scream. I'm sure most of us have experienced that, like the dream when we're falling and wake up with a jerk without ever hitting bottom.  That's what I'm talking about.

So, by now, you're probably wondering what spiderwebs, fear of spiders, and waking from a frightful dream have to do with grace, faith, and hope, and why am I choosing to bring this all up now?

1)  First, does our normal life take a break during this sacred time of year.  In fact, we're in the middle of the bluest time of year when the skies are mostly cloudy and gray.  Life itself can be pretty gray, what with all the colds and flu bugs going around.  No doubt, we need something to remind us of hope, giving us a thread to hang onto.
          
2)  Aren't the Silver Bells and songs about Sleigh Rides all a publicity stunt for shop-owners  to get their greedy little fingers in our wallets. I'm ashamed to admit those gimmicks worked on me to make a Merry Christmas from consumable or non-consumable litter, and other stuff I thought made others or me happy.

Now, that I'm 65 (gasp, I just gave away my age!), I still try to make others happy because they give me a list of stuff they say will make them happy.  Harrumph!  Just call me Mrs. Scrooge.  If my retirement allows for the extra money needed to buy those items, than I'll be happy to buy and give.  Can any-thing I choose to buy or make out of my small means compete with Smart Phones, Wii's, and iPads, or Ipods?

3)  Perhaps it will be the thoughts and heart of the giver that will make the difference.  Of course the receiver has to be careful of their reaction (excluding anyone from one to ten who find it impossible to lie).  I can read several different languages: English, emotional response, those windows of the soul--the eyes, to a certain extent--the mind, and whole-body language.  Of course, how I react is most likely read by the gift-giver as well.  Reaction is more truthful than words--that's what I'm talking about.

Have I made any sense at all?  If you say 'yes,' you get an A.  If you disagree or find fault with any or all of it, well you still get an A for staying and reading my stuff and nonsense.

The Love of God, Jesus and His Spirit, and the Word be with you.

P.S. I'm not to be cynical about Christmas music.  I love to listen to it anytime of the year.  I especially love the ones with the real message of Christmas.

Blah--What? Two posts in one day?

Did you ever go to the doctor feeling fine and come out feeling horrible?  Last Thursday I had a stomach endoscopy by a really nice doctor.  Well, I thought he was nice.  I had virtually no symptoms, now I've got 'em for gastritis and GERD! Then I added insult to injury by looking on the internet for information.  Now I really feel bad!  Actually, I'm feeling as good as can be expected.  Honestly I thought I was too laid back to have these stress-related disorders.

Apparently, I need to do some in-depth examination to see what I'm not doing right and what the heck I'm doing wrong to bring on this bad stuff.  But, wasn't it in-depth stuff that got me here in the first place?

How about an appeal for deliverance, "Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;  my heart within me is distressed?" Psalm 143:4; and then in Psalm 131:1, "Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty.  Neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor with the things too profound for me."

If I must not concern myself with great matters nor with things too profound for me--although if it applies to you that's fine too...Having read and said that:  I need to make a commitment to stop watching TV, reading too many books, writing too many books (obviously even one would be too much, since I haven't written any:  Ecc. 12:12), trying to figure out economics and politics, trying to figure out the mind of a woman...Oh, oops, that would bring me right back to me when I'm not s'posed to concern myself with anything profound~~Ohhh, I'm getting dizzy.

There you have it.  Already, I'm weary of having just said as much or as little as possible without getting into some kind of philosophy or theology of what it means to be alive or a woman.  So, do I or do I not concern myself?

"Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his/her mother;  like a weaned child is my soul within me."  Ps. 131:2.   If  only...

If only I would simplify my life by getting rid of stuff (mostly books) and the idea that I need to be concerned with things too lofty for me, and do my duties as a woman without thought or complaint, not only my life, but the lives of those around me would be simpler, right?

If only I could get a grip.  I'm 65, feeble and frail, synonym intended, and still haven't got figured out why I'm here.  Or, I've been in rebellion for almost a hundred years.  If only someone would tell me why I'm still around, although I've been tugged in several different directions--too bad I've only got 2 hands and 2 feet.

While I'm entertaining the "if onlies" I've gotta get away from this perplexing situation and indulge in some of that everyday busy-ness of making meals, doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning up after myself, my man, and a couple of useless house cats.  Altho' the cats are a nice soft landing for banging my head when I have a day like today.  Poor kitties.  Innocent animals often have the big job of being sympathizers to ruthless humans.

Time for...what?

Has it really been over a week since I posted?  Time seems to slip through my fingers like falling leaves.  Only sometimes time slipping by isn't as colorful as the beautiful leaves. 

I can't get my "act" together like I used to. In the good old days I kept a calendar/planner which helped me manage my time faithfully.  But when I had to quit working sooner than I had planned my time management slowly fell apart.  Now, I can't seem to keep up.

I know I've slowed down considerably, physically that is.  My mind still goes 199 miles or more a minute.  This keeps me from settling down and focusing on one thing at a time.  My body isn't keeping up with my mind like it used to.  


(http://www.bling.com/  Search "time")

Do I need more motivation or do I need less things to do?  What am I going to cut out?  Writing and reading blogs?  Don't want to.  Cook less?  I'm already doing as little as possible, especially when hubby is on the road most days.  Less T.V.?  Not a problem as I rarely watch most of that stuff and nonsense anyway.  Visit my grandchildren less?  No way!  Shopping is hardly a problem as it wears me out after an hour or two.

I'm considering a dishwasher would help me save time.  I could certainly get more time for what I enjoy doing if I had a housekeeper to clean, cook, and load the dishwasher (if I had one).  Our granddaughter is too young and my daughter is expecting her fourth and doesn't have the time. 

I must give my hubby a lot of credit.  He helps as much as he can on the days he doesn't have sales appointments.  I enjoy making meals when I know he's going to be home for them.  Soon we'll be getting a freezer, and I'm looking forward to cooking ahead and freezing casseroles, bread, and desserts that can be warmed up quickly for our meals or for guests.

Something I've always thought would help me be more efficient and give me more time is decluttering our home.  Getting rid of stuff and nonsense that needs cleaning, moving around, or is lost when I'm looking for it would free up time to do more enjoyable things.  But decluttering takes time.  When would I do it?




(http://www.justkidsstore.com/prod/bon-bebe/hurry-up-i-m-late-for-my-nap-onesie/white via http://www.bing.com/

 

When my thoughts start going around in circles and too much stuff and nonsense starts cluttering my mind I feel like the best action I can take is to lie down and take a nap till it all goes away!  Did I just hear a collective gasp?  I'm just kidding, of course.  Altho' I could probably take less naps...but what would there be to look forward to? 

CAR! DEER!

I've been tweeking my blogspot the last few days. Take a look around, visit some of my favorite-other blogs and websites. I try to have some fun while I'm online.

I was surprised, when I did Yahoo and Google searches with the title of my blog, that it didn't pop up. It seems there are a lot of folks out there who have the same wanderlust, using wonder and wander interchangeably in all kinds of combinations. I'm beginning to wonder if I have entitled my blog correctly, even though I still like it, especially with it prefacing the Bible verse from I Chronicles. Perhaps I need to stay true to the title though; do a little less wandering and more wondering.

I've liked the word "wandering" since I was a youngster and heard my sister's high school glee glub sing the song, "The Happy Wanderer, " by Frank Weir, for the first time. All these years I've looked for a way to memorialize the happy associations with this word, which is why I decided to use it on the blog.

Here are the words for those who want to remember: (http://www.lyricfinder.org/)

I love to go a-wandering, Along the mountain track,

And as I go, I love to sing, My knapsack on my back.

Chorus: Val-deri, val-dera, Val-deri, val-dera, Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
Val-dera, My knapsack on my back

I love to wander by the stream, That dances in the sun
So joyously it calls to me, Come join my happy song.
Chorus

I wave my hat to all I meet, And They wave back to me
And blackbirds call so loud and sweet, From ev'ry green wood tree.
Chorus

Oh may I go a-wandering, Until the day I die
Oh, may I always laugh and sing, Beneath God's clear blue sky.

Val-deri, val-dera, Val-edri, val-dera Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Val-dera
Beneath the clear blue sky, Beneath the clear blue sky.

I still get happy chills when I sing it. I loved it because I had never been anywhere outside of Kansas, but I always wanted to sit beside a gurgling stream in the cool mountains. Thank goodness we've vacationed in Colorado numerous times and wandered happily beside a mountain stream.

Did today's blog title pique your curiosity? If you comment or give feedback on blogs than you're familiar with the verification words that need to be mimicked before you can post your comment. I've been having fun making definitions for some of these words and thought I would share some of them with you.

For instance: cardeer is what you get when you cross your car with a deer. Here are a few more:

Locat: cat under the couch;

Menni: plural for Mennonite;

Fentist: professional fence builder;

Moperst: a street where mopers go to live;

Culters: people living around cul de sacs;

Witales: stories about Wi experiences;

Weecider: a tiny drink of cider.

You get the idea. I think I need a life!

Speaking of happy wandering, here are a few things our grandkids love to do as they wander/wonder through childhood.

Every kid has got to do the stretchy smile to get it on camera. I hope I'm around to show it to her boyfriends.

What would childhood be like without a swing set.?

This is what to do when you're bored.....

Anyone up for a game of Leapfrog?

Time

"Time is a dressmaker, specializing in alterations."

That's a good explanation of why every effort I make to organize and prioritize my time doesn't work. Something comes up to alter my plans and I'm off and running in another direction.

I'm not complaining, however. Just stating a fact. Most of the time the alterations include our two grandkids and their mom who is expecting our third grandchild. Amy is trying to get a lot of things done before that third baby comes sometime in May.

The week before last, we had beautiful Spring-like weather and Amy, Derek (the two-year old), and I went on a shopping trip to Target and Hobby Lobby in Hutchinson while Alana (the four-year old) stayed with Papa. Papa doesn't like to change diapers, altho' he will when he has to, but we decided it was kind-to-Papa-week and took Derek.

Amy was looking for Strawberry Shortcake stuff to put together a birthday party for Alana. Wouldn't you know, that what you're looking for has suddenly gone out of style, or everyone else has the same idea and has bought it off the shelves before you got there. But once Amy has an idea she has an end product in mind and pursues it with vigor, even seven months pregnant. I have no idea where she got her perfectionism and subbornness.

By now I should know that with Amy, being half my age, and with a whole lot more stamina, it's not always a good idea to follow her around a mall. I remember those all-day shopping trips, but that's all they should be--a memory. So no matter how badly I want to get out of the house, I must remember not to go shopping with Amy!

Having said all that, let me add a clincher here: Amy asked me to meet her at her doctor's office when she had an appointment the day after the shopping trip to Hutch. She wanted Alana to hear the baby's heartbeat while I watched Derek in the waiting room. I saw no problem with that.

Why didn't I follow my instincts and take Alana and Derek to my house after the appointment and let Amy shop to her heart's content? Because, I fooled myself into believing that since we had a long day shopping the day before, this would be a short shopping trip. Actually, it was shorter than the day before, but then it included eating out afterwards 'cause mommy's eating for two, don't you know, and it was almost dinner time.

OK, I survived. One long shopping day is plenty, but two days in a row is not for this Nana. Plus, since Papa and I spend Mondays with our daughter at her house, or babysitting at our house so she can go shopping, that was a week of having 3 wonderful days with our daughter and grandkids, but it put me weeks behind in housekeeping, laundry, and blogging.

Today, of course we'll be reaping the harvest of shopping trips well-done. We'll be celebrating Alana's 4th birthday with Strawberry Shortcake splendor. Her smiles and delight will be reward enough for the insignificant pain and aggravation I suffered. Praise God for our children and their children. They keep us young.

"Children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed [are the parents] whose quiver is full of them;..." Psalms 127:3-5a

Skid Marks! No, no....

This isn't the way the holidays are s'posed to be. No, I didn't slide on the snow or ice (at least not yet) and leave skid marks in the street. Rather, I left skid marks in my brain and now I'm going to leave them on this blog where everyone can see them. Or, maybe I shouldn't. But what have I got to lose, huh?

The skid marks go all the long way from Monday, the 15th (my last post) to yesterday, the 17th. Monday, you'll notice how philosophical I was about how I'd adjusted to having a reduced kind of Christmas holiday due to health issues like chronic neuropathy pain, FMS, and diabetes (no meds yet but I'm still trying to be happy about the diet). I might have been a little bit smug about it, if I remember right--not going to re-read it again!

So, in comes Wednesday. I had an about-face which explains the skid marks. I thought I'd outgrown the holiday drudges. Okay, let's name it for what it is: depression. I'm trying not to say it too loudly in case I scare someone off, mainly me. Depression is something I don't like to admit or talk about, nor do most people like to hear about it. But it's a reality I, and many others, live with from time to time.

How I got from a moderate Monday to a low-down Wednesday, I'm not sure. Maybe I was careless with my mental hygiene. I thought I'd set my alarm for 8:00 a.m., but didn't see the light of day till 11:00. The goals I could have accomplished in the three hours sleeping! I might have spent too long a night on the 'puter. I have a tendency to do that and then pay for it the next day. That was after having spent an exhausting Monday with my daughter and grandkids. What made it so exhausting was that I took pity on one of the farm kittens that is not meant to live on the farm. I spent about two hours bathing, drying, and cuddling this baby. You have to know me to know what a pushover I am for innocent little things.

The fact that it snowed almost 5 inches on Tuesday and frightened the sun away, which has yet to show it's face since then, may have had something to do with the crash. A week of clouds can send me down to low levels--it's kind of like flying, or sludging, below the clouds, if you get my drift.

Anyway, there I was, physically, mentally, and emotionally drained, but trying to live up to the expectations I had of what I wanted to get done for the holidays. Which is laughable, 'cause it just isn't all that much. But it sure looked like a big old bag of stuff Wednesday, and it seemed like half or all of it needed to get in that one day. Or else...or else, horrors, Christmas just wasn't going to happen.

If no one has ever been there, thank God for it. I went to bed earlier than usual, slept good except when I got up once for the "necessary." That's when it occurred to me: I always, and I mean always, sleep on my right side. Because when I find a good position where the pain is the least I stay there. But this time when I went back to bed I decided perhaps I should try sleeping on my left side for the rest of the night. You know, maybe that would keep all my brain cells from gelling on one side and keeping me from having a one-sided view upon awakening.

I am much better today as you can tell. Of course, I did have to convince myself to get up and stay up when the alarm went off at 9:00. I had to read a couple of David's Psalms (43, 46) and really take them into my heart where they made a difference in my attitude. So maybe Wednesday was all Stuff and Nonesense, but at the time it felt like hell on earth (forgive me, but I don't know how else to put it).

Perhaps added to fatigue was the fear that I would sink down into the deep depression of the past. But, I'm older and wiser now than I was 30 years ago. I have my faith, as I did then--but stronger, past years of counseling, and a whole basketful of stick-to-itiveness to get me through the drudges.

When it comes down to it, the skid marks are a good sign. For one thing I didn't skid off the path and lose my way completely. I used the things I've learned from compassionate others how to turn to the left or right to get going again after I smashed into the brick wall.

Oh, thank God, today I'm enjoying beautiful Christmas music on the radio and CD player. I'm going to finish making the dough I started Tuesday evening and begin baking peppernuts. Tomorrow I'll mix up a batch or two of pumpkin bread to give away and freeze, and address a few Christmas cards to send. I had a bad Wednesday--SO WHAT!--it was only one day instead of several. Sometimes a few skid marks is all we need to realize for what we have to be grateful.

For whatever it's worth, thanks for reading my sad story with a happy ending. The wonder of Christmas isn't what we do, but that God came down to earth at Christmas and His Spirit is always with us. And I'd better not forget it! I pray His Spirit is with you this Holiday Season: Merry Christmas!

Oh, Oh! I dropped my thoughts again

If I'd hit the refresh button before I complained about the weather gadget I'd saved myself some embarrassment! Oh, it's not fun losing my mind to the aging process. Sometimes when someone asks me, "What were you thinking?" I draw a blank. Now, for someone like me, who has always had an overactive mind, to not be thinking is pretty much a catastrophe, you know.

Actually, it's quite scary. It gets worse when I say what I'm not thinking to my hubby or daughter and they give me that look. You know the one that makes me realize I just said something stupid. And then, I start thinking about what I said and I wish I'd thought before I said it. Now, our son, he would just laugh and I could laugh with him. I need more people like our son in my life when I've lost my thoughts.

I know one thing for sure, I'm trying to figure out where all that intelligence I thought I had has gone! It could be a lack of sleep that causes those forgetful moments, and scrambles my words. Yeah, that's it, all that late-night bloggin' has gone to my head--literally.

Can anyone explain why my thoughts and words sometimes scramble when I'm talking to someone, while my writing makes sense. Or does it? Well, see there, my confidence has hit an all-time low. Okay, since I can't seem to catch a thought and hold it in my brain long enough to express it intelligibly, I'll share some borrowed thoughts from others.

"Inside every older person is a younger person...wondering what happened."

I'm a walking storeroom of facts -- I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.

You know you're getting old when you stop to think and forget to start again.

You know you're getting old when getting a little action means your prune juice is working.

"Genuine Antique Person," Been there, done that, can't remember!

Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.

Weather!

I don't know what happened to my weather gadget. But it is not fair and 36 or 38 degrees and the wind isn't only 6 mph., but more like 30 or 40 mph. That pushes the windchill way down from the 36 degrees showing on my back porch thermometer. OK, so the temperature is almost accurate but I'm wondering what happened to the wind-o-meter!

Other than the weather, I'm paddling as fast I can to get ready for Christmas. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving at my sister's house. Wish everyone in the family could have been there. So many things to be thankful for, including shopping for gifts on Black Friday and having more than half of it done--I think.

I don't know about anyone else, but I thought some radio stations airing Christmas music before Thanksgiving was just plain premature. Now that it's after Thanksgiving I'm enjoying it.

I hate to hurry away from here, but I have to. See y'all soon. Blessings

Hope and Prayer Equals Joy

I don't want to be a complainer, but I keep praying I'll get over the daily fatigue that's a result of pain and medication to give me more energy and time to blog. I'm trying to get our house cleaned up of clutter from the past eight years we've lived here. I was so ill when we moved and had to stop working which has been a huge adjustment. I"m doing better, but I got so far behind in homekeeping. I'm not sure I've completely adjusted to this life that is considerably different than what I had planned it would be. I keep trying to do the things I used to do, especially at holidays, and I've got to accept I can't do it all anymore.

I finally hired someone to help me get rid of stuff. It was too overwhelming and daunting a task to do alone. Hubby offered to help and would have been delighted to just chuck everything in one fell swoop because he doesn't have the patience to sit by while I consider what I want to keep and what needs to go. Therefore, having a Christian woman to share the task, who apparently enjoys helping weaklings like me, will save a lot of frustration and perhaps our marriage!

Oh, the anticipation of having our home cleansed of the stuff and nonsense that's no longer useful. It will feel like a heavy burden has been lifted. In some ways it is difficult because some of the things that need to go are objects associated with dreams that will never be fulfilled. But it's time to let them go so that without distraction God can begin to do a different good work in me.

I'm thankful for the journey God has given me. It hasn't always been pleasant. In fact it's been frustrating and quite ugly at times. Yet, what I've learned is that God is full of love and compassion toward us. He sacrificed his only Son, Jesus to suffer for and with us and to be our Savior friend. He has "turned mourning into joy, and will comfort and give joy for sorrow." (Jer. 31:13) This joy that I have isn't always apparent to others, but God and I know it's there.

Me Too!

I love Cindy's (Letters from Midlife) Quote of the Day: (11-22-08)
"When I get a little money, I buy books. If any is left, I buy food and clothing." - Erasmus

If I have to choose between buying clothing or a book, buying a book wins almost everytime. Of course, I can go to one of the one-stop-buys-all shops, those that sell gently-used items, and get both. However, if the budget is tight I can always find clothing another time, while that one book, a rare find, may get snatched up before I return a month or two later. It's a no-brainer for this bibliophile.

I know I'm supposed to let at least one to two books go whenever I buy one, but what are the chances that's going to happen! I become attached. "Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will set me free from this life that is dominated by...contradictions?" Romans 7:24-25 paraphrased from NLT & Msg.

Even though I want to simplify my life, free myself from stuff and nonsense, I'm a slave to my wants and desires. Between grandkids and the fact that I don't get everything done as expeditiously as I used to, when do I think I'm going to read or study all the books I have?

Bits, pieces, and a soapbox

I don't have a whole lot to report about the Judgement House presentation at our church. Just that I worked in post-registration and spent time in the Prayer Room the other night and feel truly blessed. I walked from the youth pastor's outer office (where we were set up) to his inner office and there was "Jesus." At least it sure looked like some of the pictures I've seen of Him. I looked at him and said, "It's so good to meet you here." The actor looked at me a little strangely, and reached out his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Steve. And you're?" Now why did he have to bring me back down to earth like that? I guess I was interrupting his focus on the role he has, and I can certainly understand that. I kind of felt I should have been more respectful of that. I also think Steve must have thought I was a little (or a lot) batty!

I don't know what people expect of a sixty-something grandmother, but most seem unprepared for my wry sense of humor. I wonder if it's because at first I can be my old shy self that protects me from risking the rejection that I sometimes sense when my "silliness" is misunderstood. But, with a few who catch on I certainly enjoy the kidding back-and-forth. Life is too harsh if we can't laugh at ourselves and the ridiculous things that life throws at us.

Sometimes it's the "little" things in life that put a crimp into our best-laid plans of living life with humor. The crud is making its rounds at my daughter's house--it seems to hit fast and leave quickly, thank goodness. Her dear husband and their kid's father has been cleaning up after everyone, so guess who's probably next. Much as I love my daughter and her family, I'm staying away, while supporting and encouraging her over the phone. Coincidentally, with the busy week I knew I was having I wasn't planning on seeing them till Sunday anyway. Hopefully, they'll all be over it by then. I know she's had a busy week and in between the two kids and her being sick she was able to keep on schedule with getting their portraits taken, her daughter going to pre-school, Wednesday night church, and whatever else she had going on.

Young mothers seem twice as busy as I was. I purposely didn't force or encourage too many extra activities on our son and daughter. For one thing, I wanted them to enjoy being "just kids" with free time to explore the world around them. I guess I was also being selfish, because I wanted to have more time with them, and I didn't want to have to be chauffering them all over the place. If I was spending too much time in the car, I wouldn't have had time to enjoy some of my own hobbies. Plus, how could we be a family if we seldom spent valuable time together? I think there are a few kids who thrive on a lot of different interests, but others just want to have a quiet life in school and at home. I don't believe it's right for parents to force an introverted kid to get so involved they lose themselves. I hope common sense tells us when a child is isolating and needs encouragement to socialize. But how many parents have the time between work, work, work, to know their children and teens well enough to spot likes and dislikes and to recognize trouble when it comes? Contemporary life is hard on parents and children and I certainly don't have all the answers. Well, I'm on my soapbox and could go on but will let it be for now.

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom..." Colossians 3:16a; and "...teach the older women to be reverent...to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home..." Titus 2:3-5
(Can you tell I'm writing an article on mentoring for our church women's newstetter?)

A Day In my Life...in case you want to know

A month ago I wrote about change. Let's see how far I've come.

This was me yesterday morning: Awoke at 8:00 a.m., but lolly-gagged in bed till 8:30. Not too bad considering that most mornings I fall back asleep and don't wake up again till 10:00 (late nights on computer). Knowing that I had a 10:45 appointment, I took my thyroid hormone pills right away and while those were cooking through my system, took a quick shower. I usually wash my hair the night before because otherwise it would take me twice as long to get ready. Shower done, I did my hair and was getting set to apply make-up. It was 10:00 and I was doing great. Then I made the mistake of answering the phone!

I had to answer because it was hubby and I never know what kind of crisis he might be having. He called to remind me that I hadn't printed his business cards which he had been out of for a couple of days. I decided to do it right away so I wouldn't forget again.

The file came up different than I had saved it the last time. But instead of going into the print preview to see how it would print out, I messed around trying to get the 10 templates to line up in two rows of five instead of just one down the left side of the page. When I finally checked print preview it showed me it would print the way I wanted it to. By the time I had them printed it was 10:15.

Rather than stopping right there I considered it wouldn't take more than a couple minutes to check my email. Yes, well, it was a quick delete for this one and that, but there was one from our daughter's friend, and any time I get an email from someone I know I have to read it right away. Erin was inviting me to a candle party in October, and she had a link to the website: http://www.goldcanyon.com/. I had at least 25 minutes before I had to leave for my appt. so I thought--what the heck, I'll give it a five-minute glance. Ha! I knew better, but I did it anyway.

Almost fifteen minutes later I was going to have to hustle to make it to my appointment, throw on some clothes, get my stuff together (for going to the library, which includes the AlphaSmart2000 I use away from my computer), and get to my appointment only 5 minutes late. Am I ever going to learn that when I'm ahead I could keep it that way?

What am I willing to do to change my tardy ways, and my habit of procrastinating? Was the morning going too "perfectly," and if it was why did I need to shake it up and spoil the reward of being on time? Should I blame my hubby? I know better than that. It would have taken less time to let him leave me a message or for me to make a note so I wouldn't forget about printing his business cards later (which is what I should have done the first time he asked me).

Oh well, there's always another day to change my ways!

Ambivalence

Ever since I saw a little piece about living life backwards I've thought it sounds like a good idea. Yet, I know better than to question the plan for life that has been given by the Creator. But it's fun to think of different possibilities:

The Life Cycle
I think that the life cycle is all backwards. You should die
first, get it out of the way, then live twenty years in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You go to college...until you're ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a little kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating, and you finish off as a gleam in somebody's eye. -Bob Benson- (I've also heard this quoted by Christian comedian, Mark Lowry )

Last Sunday, Father's Day, our daughter and son-in-law told us they're expecting another baby in January! Our daughter and her husband are humorously creative. We were eating out, and I thought she had changed their daughter's clothes because the toddler had soiled herself. It took me awhile to notice that she was wearing a new t-shirt and when I finally read the words on the shirt it said, "I'm gonna be a big sister." Wow! That woke me up. A few weeks ago I thought my daughter's tummy was bulging a little and wondered if she was pregnant, but thought, "Naw," and let it go.

How do we do this grandparent thing? I find my thoughts alternating between joy and sadness. I remember how I met our granddaughter's birth with trembling and anxiety, unnecessarily of course. But with every grandchild, which I know are such a joy and blessing, comes the reality that we're growing older. I guess having grandchildren teaches us to grow older gracefully, huh?

Recently, I saw Dr Phil's show about people who are unable to let go of stuff, which enlightened me to some of the reasons I have trouble letting go. Letting go means we're growing older, we have to relinquish dreams and ideas because we just won't have the time to do all those things for which we've collected stuff. It's also difficult to let go of the past...some stuff connects us to people who have come and gone in our lives, and some to our youth when we were productive and anticipated a future we've now lost. I'm slowly getting deeper into my housecleaning project. It's been difficult since I'm such a sentimental old fool, but I'm trying to make it easier by first getting rid of the stuff I'm least emotionally attached to.

Why can't I be more single-minded and focused? It's just like me to try and take on more than one or two things at a time:
a new grandchild, ridding my life of junk, spending one day or afternoon a week with our daughter and granddaughter, volunteering at our church library which we're in the process of computerizing, wanting to read four or five books at a time.... Added to these are the fact that I have to balance and limit my time and energy because of chronic pain and diabetes. I want our home to be picked clean and ready to receive this new grandbaby. Most of all I desire and need a quiet time for Bible reading, meditation, and prayer to focus on what's important in this process called life. As I continue to create order in my inner house and our physical home, I know the when and how of other areas of my life will continue to fall into place. So, maybe my priorities and focus aren't as misplaced or chaotic as I sometimes feel they are.

Some people I know seem to have established the important routines of their lives early, and I wish I was one of them. I was efficiently organized when I was doing the mother role, but the empty nest syndrome, being unable to work, combined with learning to live with health problems blew my established routine to smithereens. Hopefully, with some hard work, I'll be able to create a comfortable routine as my husband and I approach retirement. Life is full of surprises and adjustments. I need to remember to be adaptable.

I opened a devotional book this morning that I checked out from the church library, Face to Face: praying the scripture for spiritual growth by Ken Boa, and popped it open to this verse from Is. 46:4

"Even to my old age, You are the same, O Lord, And even when my hair is gray, You will carry me. You have made me, and You will bear me. You will sustain me, and You will deliver me."

What a comfort those words are at just the time I need them. Through every stage of my life God has been, and always will be, with me. What a harvest of comfort and encouragement there is to be found in the Bible. I'm still amazed after all these years of placing my faith and trust in God, how He watches over me by providing just the right words, people, and thoughts to help me through times of joy or difficulties.