Did you ever go to the doctor feeling fine and come out feeling horrible? Last Thursday I had a stomach endoscopy by a really nice doctor. Well, I thought he was nice. I had virtually no symptoms, now I've got 'em for gastritis and GERD! Then I added insult to injury by looking on the internet for information. Now I really feel bad! Actually, I'm feeling as good as can be expected. Honestly I thought I was too laid back to have these stress-related disorders.
Apparently, I need to do some in-depth examination to see what I'm not doing right and what the heck I'm doing wrong to bring on this bad stuff. But, wasn't it in-depth stuff that got me here in the first place?
How about an appeal for deliverance, "Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is distressed?" Psalm 143:4; and then in Psalm 131:1, "Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor with the things too profound for me."
If I must not concern myself with great matters nor with things too profound for me--although if it applies to you that's fine too...Having read and said that: I need to make a commitment to stop watching TV, reading too many books, writing too many books (obviously even one would be too much, since I haven't written any: Ecc. 12:12), trying to figure out economics and politics, trying to figure out the mind of a woman...Oh, oops, that would bring me right back to me when I'm not s'posed to concern myself with anything profound~~Ohhh, I'm getting dizzy.
There you have it. Already, I'm weary of having just said as much or as little as possible without getting into some kind of philosophy or theology of what it means to be alive or a woman. So, do I or do I not concern myself?
"Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his/her mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me." Ps. 131:2. If only...
If only I would simplify my life by getting rid of stuff (mostly books) and the idea that I need to be concerned with things too lofty for me, and do my duties as a woman without thought or complaint, not only my life, but the lives of those around me would be simpler, right?
If only I could get a grip. I'm 65, feeble and frail, synonym intended, and still haven't got figured out why I'm here. Or, I've been in rebellion for almost a hundred years. If only someone would tell me why I'm still around, although I've been tugged in several different directions--too bad I've only got 2 hands and 2 feet.
While I'm entertaining the "if onlies" I've gotta get away from this perplexing situation and indulge in some of that everyday busy-ness of making meals, doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning up after myself, my man, and a couple of useless house cats. Altho' the cats are a nice soft landing for banging my head when I have a day like today. Poor kitties. Innocent animals often have the big job of being sympathizers to ruthless humans.